Because I have been pretty horrible about keeping this updated (particularly because I never actually write about anything chronologically relevant but more so absurd rants), I'm going to try and actually take note of things that I've done and not necessarily the incredible ringtones that I've heard or the very special food that I've eaten. (okay that's a lie...I can't not talk about the food. shit, time to get my mind out of the garbage disposal...not funny? woops.) It's almost 10:30 pm here which is far past my bedtime seeing as I am a 90 year old in a 20 year old's body so please excuse any English that doesn't totally make sense (my Vietnamese is just too freaking good...so the five words that I know and my counting abilities) and if the humor is a little diluted (oh wait, sleep deprivation is actually not an excuse for that...wooops). Also very sorry if my interrupting train of thought (aka the parentheses...good example right here) is hyper confusing but at this late hour my thoughts aren't necessarily as coherent as usual (however coherent that might ever be).
Today was my last day of work at Hanoi Medical University but I will save that story for tomorrow or else my attempt at sequencing events will be more screwed up than it already is. Because I wasn't going to be there for lunch today, Hang, Ly, and Huyen (the ladies that I work with at HMU and who take me out to lunch because I clearly cannot fend for myself at crowded little rice shops where I could confuse caterpillars with who even knows what not to mention that I would be severly ripped off) took me to the restaurant at HMU to get "hot pot." Every time that I perceive something to be a specialty (like hot pot), Hang usually rains on my parade and says "oh no, I ate that last night for dinner." I'm not sure why she likes to eat the same thing for dinner and then lunch but I am just glad that she has put up with taking me to lunch for an entire month and dealing with Vietnamese-unfriendly diet codes (aka no puppies, insects, bitter "tea", etc.). Anyway, the best way that I can relay hot pot is that it's like fondue but healthy because apparently that's a common theme in Vietnamese food (ridiculous.). So essentially, the restaurant makes a big bowl of soup and then puts a big burner on your table (I'm sure this would totally fly in the US) so that you can cook the massive plates of raw meat and seafood, vegetables, and in this case mushrooms and tofu (because my coworkers are too nice...and think that I'm insane for not wanting to eat the unidentified pieces of meat).
Our hot pot had enough food to quite possible feed the entire city of Hanoi but my coworkers not only know how to eat (but could probably all fit on one seat on an airplane together...Vietnamese people are definitely who Oprah needs to take some lessons from) they also eat at rapid paces. I'm at a clear disadvantage because I'm about as good at using chopsticks as I am at speaking Vietnamese (I can't actually get myself home in a cab without writing down the name of my street if that gives you an indication) and the freaking TMJ both keep my eating speed at the equivalent of a 90-year old driving on the freeway (so thats pretty appropriate considering that is about how old I act). Fortunately, Hang, who is only 3 years older than me, has decided to be my mom for the summer and constantly checks to make sure that I'm eating enough and during our hot pot lunch just kept shoveling things into my bowl. I actually remembered to bring my camera somewhere with me so I can enlighten everyone with some pictures of Vietnamese fondue and the plate of raw meat that stared at me through the entire meal....
you can't actually see the size of the plate of greens but just imagine what a decent sized forest would look like on a plate. The plate on the right (I'm sure this is also someone's left...and that is why I'm awesome at driving) is the meat/seafood/miscellaneous "food" items and the plate in the back is filled with mushrooms. My coworkers who used to try and describe where each piece of miscellaneous meat came from (intestine, liver, etc.) but they have reached a point where they just say "it's from a part that you probably won't eat." I really do wish I could bring myself to try more organs (I think that's the right answer) but my lovely Grandma Ethel never got that to work with me and I don't think my co-workers will either. The really awesome part about the mushrooms that no one decided to fill me in (even though I should've known based on my extensive food network knowledge) is that they soak up liquid like sponges so when you bite into them after they are in hot soup, hot soup explodes on your face! that was a really, really good look for me.
THEY HAVE RAMEN IN VIETNAM TOO---all of my dreams came true. Sadly though, this delicacy (which comes in a legit ramen package) is just called "instant noodles" here (overwhelming creativity in that title). This is probably my first noodle serving of 15 (only of noodles--noodles are eaten in the hot pot after the mean and vegetables are gone).However, hot pot lunch wasn't just special because of the culinary experience but because of possibly my biggest language blunder to date. So Huyen asked me "do you like karaoke," which is pronounced kar-A-O-kay in Vietnam and not like we pronounce it in the grand old US of A. Seeing as I have such a one track mind, I heard "do you like carrot cake." I'm thinking, oh gosh they want to order dessert (this is maybe 2/96 servings into the meal), I should tell them my honest opinion so I go into my age-old rant on how I don't think that carrot cake should be considered dessert because vegetables have no place in dessert (but seriously, go back to the freaking salad bowl, carrots). Because all three of my co-workers rightfully look totally confused, I repeat this same psychotic logic for at least ten minutes as they ask clarifying questions becaues they think that I'm trying to draw a comparison between karaoke and carrot cake rather than letting me know that they actually want to know if I like karaoke. This is one of the times when I really wish I wasn't so long-winded and I could've just said "no, I do not like it" rather than trying to explain why carrots belong in salad rather than cake and making myself seem more insane. I am truly sorry to all subsequent Americans that these women meet because I have set an incredibily ridiculous precedent.
Fortunately for everyone, I am on the verge of crashing so this is a relatively short and substance-less entry. Sorry that this whole thing is actually about essentially nothing. I will try and write another one before I leave so that everyone can continue to be inspired by my impressions of a foreign culture and the obviously deep insights that I have into it...wooops. Can't wait to be around puppies that aren't just for dinner or carrying rabies and pooping in the middle of the road!
as always:
nance pants--still wearing that effing bite plate even though it smells like old fish and kind of makes me want to projectile vom. if the TMJ ever goes away, I'm going to have a ceremonial burning (if this can even be destroyed...).
teddy boy-- ate a mysterious looking piece of food disguised as "squid" in your honor...still trying to decide if it was intestine or an old tire.
